Living in a Chaotic World..
“Mom, I found toilet paper under the cushion in the rocking chair. What is that about? “ My mom looked at me confused and proceeded to make excuses, so I wasn’t sure what to think, but we went on with our day since I had driven in to visit with her.
After that, phone calls seemed a little strange, and Mom had got good at averting certain subjects and making excuses to get off the phone. This situation was out of the norm for Mom because we were very close. I was starting to get my feelings hurt, so I scheduled another visit a little sooner to figure out why the phone conversations had changed.
On this visit, I noticed a few more things in strange areas, and the conversation was even a little vaguer. Mom kept telling me how much she loved me, not just a few times, but much more than usual. My mother was extremely compassionate and loving and, as an older adult now, talked about nearly everything. Not too many secrets between us, so I knew she was trying to hide something (other than the stuff I found in random places).
Now was when I knew things weren’t quite right. Not only did I realize mom was evasive but needed clarification about what little communication I was getting from her.
So not only was I trying to comfort and communicate with Mom, but dealing with the confusion I was going through during this situation I found us in. Where do I go for answers? What do I even ask? Do I approach the changes in Mom with her even more profoundly than what I had already done because it frustrated and upset her when I did?
To know my mom was to know what unconditional love felt like, and this is no exaggeration. If I could only be ½ the woman my mother was, I would consider myself blessed.
Seeing her confused, frustrated, and avoiding me (baby girl of 4 daughters) was killing me inside – I wanted to help her, and I did not know how!
My older sister and I spoke and decided that Mom did not need to live alone any longer. My Dad, her husband of 50 years, had been gone for ten years. Mom lived in an independent community and would go around helping the other residents with groceries or anything she could and loved visiting with them all. We had been made aware that this had not been the case for a few months.
And here, our journey began looking for a more secure living facility because I couldn't afford to quit work and stay home with Mom no matter how much I wanted to. So much I didn't know, like options, choices, or where to turn, and as some of you probably know, when you are amid a journey such as ours, if you aren’t already aware of the options for diseases such as this, they don’t naturally come to mind on how to maneuver through. You are just trying your best to make it through each day and be the strength your loved one needs without falling apart yourself.
In short, this chaotic journey with my wonderful mother through Alzheimer's enlightened me on many things I wish I had been aware of before I traveled.
You feel helpless while missing a loved one you know that doesn't seem to be there any longer, but they are! Alzheimer's, in my eyes, is an aggressive disease for all that encounter it.
If nothing else, I learned no matter how confused, frustrated, and in denial an Alzheimer's loved one is, they know the love. The feeling that they are supposed to know you and that they love you even when they can’t remember your face or your name.
God guided me through this journey with my mother to learn things I can now share with others.
Hence this blog post.
I now work for Home Instead to assist aging adults in living their life to the best of their ability, with compassion and trust in the Lord, as I did with my mother.
Please reach out if you find yourself, a loved one, or a friend living in a chaotic world and walking a journey as I did. Not only myself but the owners of Home Instead and my co-workers are here to assist with any questions you might have.
For more information on Dementia and Alzheimer’s and more compassionate ears with resources in abundance, please reach out to:
Kristin Bishop / Mindy Bannister
Alzheimer’s Association
(325) 672-2907